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intheheartTitle: Five Things Joy Never Did (And One Thing She Never Stopped)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Joy knows who she is, and stereotypes ain't it.
Warnings: mentions of slut-shaming, body policing, drug use, prostitution, stereotypes about strippers.
Notes: I sort of just let Joy talk. This may or may not be coherent.
1) Went to college.
It wasn't that I wouldn't be accepted. I'm smart. I got straight A's in high school, barring a B in bio (but I was sitting to the right of Anthony Jones and to the left of Radha Mitchell and that just wasn't fair). I never took the SAT, but they had a couple of practice tests in class once, and I did pretty well. My extracurriculars might have been a little limited (dancing, dancing, and more dancing), but I'm an attractive candidate, in every sense of the word. I could have gotten into college, easy.
I just didn't want to.
For some reason, that blew people's minds. Mom was pretty upset, but then of course she wanted me to go to UPenn and that was never going to happen, because going to any college where your mom taught is a recipe for disaster. My dad was disappointed, but told me that whatever made me happy would make him happy, and he probably actually meant it. So my family, I understood. But everyone else?
Teachers—"you're wasting your potential." Counselors—"You know, it's very difficult to get a job without a college degree." Classmates—"What, you going to quit high school now too?"
No. I just didn't want to go to college. College, as far as I'm concerned, is a place to find yourself, and I knew myself already. I wanted to move to New York City and dance for a living. I'm more than good enough—look at my career—and I knew that for certain even back then, so why waste four years dancing for free and drive myself and my parents into debt for an education I didn't need and didn't want?
College was all very well and good, but it wasn't my style. And, as far as I'm concerned, that's fine.
2) Did drugs.
Drugs just seemed like a bad idea from the start.
I've been serious about dancing since I was five. I'd been dancing since I could walk, more or less, but when I was five my parents took me to a ballet and I realized for the first time that people got paid to dance. Dancing was what I always wanted to do with my life, and for that, I need to be in peak condition. Alcohol in moderation is probably okay, but cigarettes and pot would fuck up my lungs, cocaine would fuck up my everything, and heroin and meth don't even bear thinking about.
It wasn't worth it, plain and simple. I'll have a beer now and again, some wine or a mixed drink, but I'll never get drunk, and I'll never do anything else. I am not now and never have been addicted to anything—except dancing.
My body, quite apart from how attractive it is, is my tool, and I've always respected my tools.
3) Traded sex for anything.
This one really pisses me off.
I am a stripper. I am not a prostitute of any sort. My body is mine and not for any kind of sale. Get it?
Just to be clear here, I don't think prostitutes are horrible people or anything. Most of them need the money and have nothing else to sell. I think that's terribly tragic, but it's certainly not the fault of the person involved, and it isn't evil. Neither is selling sex because you like it, because hey, if that's your idea of a good time and you're not hurting anyone, go wild.
But as for me? I've never been in a position that I needed to, and I'm not the kind to do it just for fun. I mean, sex is all the fun I need in and of itself, even if it's lousy sex.
And more than that, sex to me is a good time, it's fun, it's one or two (or more) people enjoying each other and themselves. Adults, preferably, but I've known teenagers to engage in it just as enthusiastically and consensually, and for me, trading sex for something just doesn't make it fun anymore. Then it's a transaction, and that just doesn't do it for me.
So. It's not my thing. But when people assume anything about my sex life, I get annoyed. When people assume that I use sex to get what I want, it pisses me off even more. Sex isn't a possession, it's an experience. My body isn't something to be given away, it's something to be shared. Implying I trade it for things, to me, implies I don't respect it, or consider it worthy, or something. Anyway, they always mean it as an insult, as slut-shaming.
I don't take kindly to being insulted. I can have sex with whoever I want for whatever reasons I want, and anyone who says otherwise can go straight to hell.
4) Failed a class, much less dropped out of high school.
I said earlier that I'm smart. That's not bragging. I also said I got straight A's in high school, except for that one time in bio, and that's also not bragging, it's just a fact. My mom probably still has my report cards somewhere.
And yet, somehow, because I'm a stripper, obviously I'm unintelligent, or lazy. Obviously because I am a stripper, it's because I don't have a choice, because I can't make my living any other way. Obviously I dropped out of high school or failed all my classes or something.
I think this is another one of those "assumptions make you an ass" situations. People assuming that they know me, purely because they know what I do for a living, and think that because they wouldn't do it, nobody would ever take that job unless they were stupid or desperate or both. Well, I'm not stupid or desperate, and most of my coworkers aren't—in fact, I'd say the proportion of stupid to intelligent is about the same as any white-collar job. Maybe a little lower.
There's a lot more divas, though. I might be a diva, depending on who you ask. But I'm not stupid, I've never failed a class in my life, and I never dropped out of high school.
5) Done anything I don't want to.
This one's pretty self-explanatory. I suppose it only really applies once I became an adult, but even when I was a kid, if there was something I really didn't want to do, it usually wouldn't happen.
Some of that is my parents, of course. They subscribed to the radical notion that children, like women, were people. I might not always know what was best, because I was a child, but they always let me learn those particular lessons on my own. If I refused to go to bed on time, then they'd let me stay up late. I'd be overtired the next day, but that would be my problem, like staying up had been my decision.
My parents were big on self-reliance.
Anyway, that's the point. I do what I want to, and I accept the consequences of those decisions. I don't let anyone tell me what to do, because I won't accept the consequences of anyone's decisions but mine. It's my life. It's my job. It's my sexuality. It's my body. It's always my right to make choices for the things that are mine.
I wish more people understood that.
+1) Being myself.
Because I'm awesome. And if you don't like it, you can kiss my perky ass.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Joy knows who she is, and stereotypes ain't it.
Warnings: mentions of slut-shaming, body policing, drug use, prostitution, stereotypes about strippers.
Notes: I sort of just let Joy talk. This may or may not be coherent.
1) Went to college.
It wasn't that I wouldn't be accepted. I'm smart. I got straight A's in high school, barring a B in bio (but I was sitting to the right of Anthony Jones and to the left of Radha Mitchell and that just wasn't fair). I never took the SAT, but they had a couple of practice tests in class once, and I did pretty well. My extracurriculars might have been a little limited (dancing, dancing, and more dancing), but I'm an attractive candidate, in every sense of the word. I could have gotten into college, easy.
I just didn't want to.
For some reason, that blew people's minds. Mom was pretty upset, but then of course she wanted me to go to UPenn and that was never going to happen, because going to any college where your mom taught is a recipe for disaster. My dad was disappointed, but told me that whatever made me happy would make him happy, and he probably actually meant it. So my family, I understood. But everyone else?
Teachers—"you're wasting your potential." Counselors—"You know, it's very difficult to get a job without a college degree." Classmates—"What, you going to quit high school now too?"
No. I just didn't want to go to college. College, as far as I'm concerned, is a place to find yourself, and I knew myself already. I wanted to move to New York City and dance for a living. I'm more than good enough—look at my career—and I knew that for certain even back then, so why waste four years dancing for free and drive myself and my parents into debt for an education I didn't need and didn't want?
College was all very well and good, but it wasn't my style. And, as far as I'm concerned, that's fine.
2) Did drugs.
Drugs just seemed like a bad idea from the start.
I've been serious about dancing since I was five. I'd been dancing since I could walk, more or less, but when I was five my parents took me to a ballet and I realized for the first time that people got paid to dance. Dancing was what I always wanted to do with my life, and for that, I need to be in peak condition. Alcohol in moderation is probably okay, but cigarettes and pot would fuck up my lungs, cocaine would fuck up my everything, and heroin and meth don't even bear thinking about.
It wasn't worth it, plain and simple. I'll have a beer now and again, some wine or a mixed drink, but I'll never get drunk, and I'll never do anything else. I am not now and never have been addicted to anything—except dancing.
My body, quite apart from how attractive it is, is my tool, and I've always respected my tools.
3) Traded sex for anything.
This one really pisses me off.
I am a stripper. I am not a prostitute of any sort. My body is mine and not for any kind of sale. Get it?
Just to be clear here, I don't think prostitutes are horrible people or anything. Most of them need the money and have nothing else to sell. I think that's terribly tragic, but it's certainly not the fault of the person involved, and it isn't evil. Neither is selling sex because you like it, because hey, if that's your idea of a good time and you're not hurting anyone, go wild.
But as for me? I've never been in a position that I needed to, and I'm not the kind to do it just for fun. I mean, sex is all the fun I need in and of itself, even if it's lousy sex.
And more than that, sex to me is a good time, it's fun, it's one or two (or more) people enjoying each other and themselves. Adults, preferably, but I've known teenagers to engage in it just as enthusiastically and consensually, and for me, trading sex for something just doesn't make it fun anymore. Then it's a transaction, and that just doesn't do it for me.
So. It's not my thing. But when people assume anything about my sex life, I get annoyed. When people assume that I use sex to get what I want, it pisses me off even more. Sex isn't a possession, it's an experience. My body isn't something to be given away, it's something to be shared. Implying I trade it for things, to me, implies I don't respect it, or consider it worthy, or something. Anyway, they always mean it as an insult, as slut-shaming.
I don't take kindly to being insulted. I can have sex with whoever I want for whatever reasons I want, and anyone who says otherwise can go straight to hell.
4) Failed a class, much less dropped out of high school.
I said earlier that I'm smart. That's not bragging. I also said I got straight A's in high school, except for that one time in bio, and that's also not bragging, it's just a fact. My mom probably still has my report cards somewhere.
And yet, somehow, because I'm a stripper, obviously I'm unintelligent, or lazy. Obviously because I am a stripper, it's because I don't have a choice, because I can't make my living any other way. Obviously I dropped out of high school or failed all my classes or something.
I think this is another one of those "assumptions make you an ass" situations. People assuming that they know me, purely because they know what I do for a living, and think that because they wouldn't do it, nobody would ever take that job unless they were stupid or desperate or both. Well, I'm not stupid or desperate, and most of my coworkers aren't—in fact, I'd say the proportion of stupid to intelligent is about the same as any white-collar job. Maybe a little lower.
There's a lot more divas, though. I might be a diva, depending on who you ask. But I'm not stupid, I've never failed a class in my life, and I never dropped out of high school.
5) Done anything I don't want to.
This one's pretty self-explanatory. I suppose it only really applies once I became an adult, but even when I was a kid, if there was something I really didn't want to do, it usually wouldn't happen.
Some of that is my parents, of course. They subscribed to the radical notion that children, like women, were people. I might not always know what was best, because I was a child, but they always let me learn those particular lessons on my own. If I refused to go to bed on time, then they'd let me stay up late. I'd be overtired the next day, but that would be my problem, like staying up had been my decision.
My parents were big on self-reliance.
Anyway, that's the point. I do what I want to, and I accept the consequences of those decisions. I don't let anyone tell me what to do, because I won't accept the consequences of anyone's decisions but mine. It's my life. It's my job. It's my sexuality. It's my body. It's always my right to make choices for the things that are mine.
I wish more people understood that.
+1) Being myself.
Because I'm awesome. And if you don't like it, you can kiss my perky ass.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-09 05:04 am (UTC)Noah did drugs once. On accident. He didn't examine the mushroom close enough. Never again any drug, not that he would have purposefully done so anyway
And yes, he ageees that Joy is awesome and perfect and that she does have a peeky ass.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-23 08:47 pm (UTC)If Noah wants to kiss her perky ass he can do so any time.