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intheheartTitle: Beauty
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Gina and her beauty.
Warnings: blink and miss it mentions of street harassment and emotional abuse
Notes: This... didn't quite go as I wanted it to.
10. stage makeup
The thing about being beautiful was that one was always on stage.
Gina learned that lesson early. People commented on her appearance in the street, praising her—or just occasionally complaining that she hadn't brushed her hair, or that she was walking around in sweatpants, as if the slightest flaw in her beauty offended them.
At first she was indignent. How dare they try to control her just because she was beautiful? Why did she automatically belong to everyone else? At first she got angry with them, shouted back at them or made rude gestures.
Later, she was simply resigned.
8. foundation
Her father loved to tell the story when they had guests over, laughing and caressing Gina's hair. "They handed her to me, and you know, most newborn babies aren't very attractive. But the first thing, the first thing I say when I see my little Gina here? 'What a beautiful little girl!' And everyone agreed with me."
The guests would laugh then, and obediently comment on how beautiful she was now, how beautiful she would grow up to be. Gina would smile, because that's what they wanted, but it would be nice if, just once, they commented on something else.
2. mascara
When she was five, she got into her mother's makeup and drew mascara pictures on all the mirrors in the house. She got lectured only until she began to cry—after that she was forgiven immediately, and the pictures forgotten. When she started school, she had only to let her lower lip tremble to get out of trouble.
When she blossomed into puberty, she had only to flutter her eyes and people would beg to do her bidding.
5. lip gloss
Gina was neither blind nor stupid, and she recognized the pattern very quickly.
A swipe of lip gloss and people stared at her lips instead of listening to what she said—she could get them to say yes to anything, if she wasn't careful. It frightened her, this automatic power over others, but it intrigued her too, a little. What could she do? What could she get?
Who could she be?
7. lipliner
She never tried for anything big. Gina was essentially good-hearted, and she had been raised well—she didn't want to get anyone into trouble, or to get grades or jobs she hadn't earned. But little things... employee discounts on her purchases, someone to carry her things at school or sit with her at lunch, a date to every dance. It was easy, as long as she was beautiful.
It made her feel a little ill, when she did it too often.
She tried not to do it too often.
3. nail polish
Roommate days with Olivia were Gina's favorite, because it meant no expectations. They could stay in if they wanted, eat donuts and lounge around in their pajamas and paint each other's nails, or they could get dressed up to the nines, go out to a bar and come home laughing. Olivia was warm with Gina because they were friends, not because Gina was beautiful, and it was... it was comfortable, being with her.
She'd missed just being friends with someone.
6. eyeshadow
Gina smudged the eyeshadow with a careful pinkie, the faintest hint of blue and silver to bring out her eyes and turn them to a bright crystal blue. A brush of blush and a dab of lipstick, and that was enough, she thought, staring at her face in the mirror.
When she'd been with Vanessa, she'd done a full face makeup every day, because Vanessa liked her perfect, liked her impossibly and inhumanly gorgeous. Vanessa liked to take her out, show her off, and any human flaw meant...
It didn’t matter what it meant. Gina shoved away from the mirror.
1. lipstick
It was so easy.
She could use her beauty as a weapon, blend every flaw away under a layer of foundation and appear a goddess, untouchable and impossible to deny. She could use it as a subtler influence, with soft blush and gentle pink lipstick to make her look like an innocent, easily manipulated or deserving of aid. Pure red lipstick and bold eyeshadow and she was sex personified, for a quick night out or a longer relationship, whatever she wanted.
It was too easy.
4. eyeliner
She was putting eyeliner on one morning, getting ready for work, when it hit her.
Was this it?
Oh, sure, she was good at her job, and she knew that she had earned every promotion given her, but was that really why she'd been given them? She was a wonderful girlfriend, a good lover, and a considerate person, but was that really why she'd had the lovers and the friends that she did? She couldn't even believe it anymore, when people said she was beautiful.
Was her beauty really all she was?
9. blush
"You're so beautiful," Ivy said drowsily, tracing a finger over Gina's lower lip. "It always surprises me, when I look at you."
Gina smiled, and surpised herself when heat spread across her cheeks. "I'm not even wearing any makeup, hon."
"Why would you?" Ivy yawned and settled close against Gina's side. "You don't need it."
Gina had been less than ten minutes old the first time someone had called her beautiful. The last time had been less than an hour ago. She'd grown used to it.
And yet, from Ivy, it warmed her every time.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Gina and her beauty.
Warnings: blink and miss it mentions of street harassment and emotional abuse
Notes: This... didn't quite go as I wanted it to.
10. stage makeup
The thing about being beautiful was that one was always on stage.
Gina learned that lesson early. People commented on her appearance in the street, praising her—or just occasionally complaining that she hadn't brushed her hair, or that she was walking around in sweatpants, as if the slightest flaw in her beauty offended them.
At first she was indignent. How dare they try to control her just because she was beautiful? Why did she automatically belong to everyone else? At first she got angry with them, shouted back at them or made rude gestures.
Later, she was simply resigned.
8. foundation
Her father loved to tell the story when they had guests over, laughing and caressing Gina's hair. "They handed her to me, and you know, most newborn babies aren't very attractive. But the first thing, the first thing I say when I see my little Gina here? 'What a beautiful little girl!' And everyone agreed with me."
The guests would laugh then, and obediently comment on how beautiful she was now, how beautiful she would grow up to be. Gina would smile, because that's what they wanted, but it would be nice if, just once, they commented on something else.
2. mascara
When she was five, she got into her mother's makeup and drew mascara pictures on all the mirrors in the house. She got lectured only until she began to cry—after that she was forgiven immediately, and the pictures forgotten. When she started school, she had only to let her lower lip tremble to get out of trouble.
When she blossomed into puberty, she had only to flutter her eyes and people would beg to do her bidding.
5. lip gloss
Gina was neither blind nor stupid, and she recognized the pattern very quickly.
A swipe of lip gloss and people stared at her lips instead of listening to what she said—she could get them to say yes to anything, if she wasn't careful. It frightened her, this automatic power over others, but it intrigued her too, a little. What could she do? What could she get?
Who could she be?
7. lipliner
She never tried for anything big. Gina was essentially good-hearted, and she had been raised well—she didn't want to get anyone into trouble, or to get grades or jobs she hadn't earned. But little things... employee discounts on her purchases, someone to carry her things at school or sit with her at lunch, a date to every dance. It was easy, as long as she was beautiful.
It made her feel a little ill, when she did it too often.
She tried not to do it too often.
3. nail polish
Roommate days with Olivia were Gina's favorite, because it meant no expectations. They could stay in if they wanted, eat donuts and lounge around in their pajamas and paint each other's nails, or they could get dressed up to the nines, go out to a bar and come home laughing. Olivia was warm with Gina because they were friends, not because Gina was beautiful, and it was... it was comfortable, being with her.
She'd missed just being friends with someone.
6. eyeshadow
Gina smudged the eyeshadow with a careful pinkie, the faintest hint of blue and silver to bring out her eyes and turn them to a bright crystal blue. A brush of blush and a dab of lipstick, and that was enough, she thought, staring at her face in the mirror.
When she'd been with Vanessa, she'd done a full face makeup every day, because Vanessa liked her perfect, liked her impossibly and inhumanly gorgeous. Vanessa liked to take her out, show her off, and any human flaw meant...
It didn’t matter what it meant. Gina shoved away from the mirror.
1. lipstick
It was so easy.
She could use her beauty as a weapon, blend every flaw away under a layer of foundation and appear a goddess, untouchable and impossible to deny. She could use it as a subtler influence, with soft blush and gentle pink lipstick to make her look like an innocent, easily manipulated or deserving of aid. Pure red lipstick and bold eyeshadow and she was sex personified, for a quick night out or a longer relationship, whatever she wanted.
It was too easy.
4. eyeliner
She was putting eyeliner on one morning, getting ready for work, when it hit her.
Was this it?
Oh, sure, she was good at her job, and she knew that she had earned every promotion given her, but was that really why she'd been given them? She was a wonderful girlfriend, a good lover, and a considerate person, but was that really why she'd had the lovers and the friends that she did? She couldn't even believe it anymore, when people said she was beautiful.
Was her beauty really all she was?
9. blush
"You're so beautiful," Ivy said drowsily, tracing a finger over Gina's lower lip. "It always surprises me, when I look at you."
Gina smiled, and surpised herself when heat spread across her cheeks. "I'm not even wearing any makeup, hon."
"Why would you?" Ivy yawned and settled close against Gina's side. "You don't need it."
Gina had been less than ten minutes old the first time someone had called her beautiful. The last time had been less than an hour ago. She'd grown used to it.
And yet, from Ivy, it warmed her every time.
