![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
intheheartTitle: Hold On
Rating: PG
Summary: Sometimes you just need a friend.
Warnings: discussion of divorce.
Notes: For the record, Duncan and I both loathe Harold Pinter.
Ahava scrambled along behind Duncan, huffing every step of the way. Why he had to take her up this stupid steep trail, kicking stones out of his way... if she didn't come out of this with scraped knees it would be a stroke of fucking luck.
Still. Duncan's house, Duncan's turf, Duncan's activities. She resolved to make him go to a Pinter play the next time he visited her in Seattle, and cursed when another rock rolled under her foot and nearly twisted her ankle.
Duncan paused when he heard her, and turned around, six yards up the trail. "You okay?"
"Fine," she said. "Just... slow the hell down, okay? I get that you're pissed about something but I don't want to fall and die."
"Oh," he said, and shifted uneasily, hiking boots creaking. "Sorry, I just... I'm not pissed. Not really."
"But you're upset," she pointed out, and caught up to him finally. He didn't make a move to continue, yet, so she took the opportunity to bend over, catch her breath. He didn't say anything either, so she let herself breathe, then straightened up, looked him in the eye. "Come on, Dunc. I'm your best friend. You know I know when you're upset."
He was quiet for another moment, then said, "Yeah, I know. Come on, it's just down the hill."
Ahava followed him, down an even steeper trail than the one they'd just come up, and spent the next ten minutes entirely occupied trying to keep her feet. She was not looking forward to the return hike.
When they made it to the end of the trail finally, she found herself at the bottom of a steep-sided gorge, sharp grey rocks towering up to either side and at the top, a scrap of sunny blue sky. Ahava looked up at it for a moment, watched a fluffy white cloud float by, then looked down at Duncan, standing across the gorge from her with his hand on the stone, his back to her.
"Well?" she said.
His shoulders heaved in a quick, sharp breath. "Leila wants a divorce."
Ahava stood for a moment, stunned. "My God."
"I don't know what to do," he said, resting his forehead against the rock. "She's... I don't understand why she's doing this. And Safiya... she won't understand and what if Leila wants full custody? I can't lose my daughter, Ahava. I can't."
She went up behind him, put a hand on his shoulder, put her forehead against his shoulder blade. "I'm so sorry, Duncan."
His voice went small and hurt, aching. "She said we're not the same people we were. She said she doesn't want to be married anymore."
"I'm sorry," she said again. It was little and stupid and not enough, and she was a psychiatrist, for God's sake, she was trained for this. She should know how to help.
"What do I do, Ahava?" he asked. "What can I do?"
She took a deep breath, and squeezed his shoulder. "You... you do what you can. You tell Leila she can have the divorce, if you want it too, you tell her you want counseling if you don't, but either way you should talk to someone. You tell Safiya it's not her fault, it's nothing to do with her, and you tell her that over and over until she believes you." She put both arms around his waist, hugged him tight. "You do what you have to do."
He shuddered, a little. "I don't want this," he said, helplessly. "I... I knew something was wrong, I thought maybe it would go away. I didn't do anything about it, that's on me. But I don't want this."
"I know," Ahava said. "I know."
"How do I..." Duncan trailed off.
She didn't really know what he meant to ask, but she knew an answer, one he needed. "You call me," she said. "Day or night, anytime. You pick up the phone and you call me and I will answer. I will be there for you. You have me, okay? Whatever happens, I have your back. If there are sides at all, I am on yours."
"It's not her fault," he said, and inhaled, tightly. "Leila's, I mean. It's not her fault."
Ahava had her own ideas about that, but she kept them to herself. "I know," she repeated, instead. "I'm still on your side. 100%, no matter what."
He shuddered again, inhaled sharply, turned around and hugged her bone-crackingly tight. "You promise?"
"Forever," she said.
He started to cry then, deep, tearing sobs like he hadn't done since he'd broken his arm when they were kids, and she... she held on.
She felt stupid and useless, but at least she could hold on.
Rating: PG
Summary: Sometimes you just need a friend.
Warnings: discussion of divorce.
Notes: For the record, Duncan and I both loathe Harold Pinter.
Ahava scrambled along behind Duncan, huffing every step of the way. Why he had to take her up this stupid steep trail, kicking stones out of his way... if she didn't come out of this with scraped knees it would be a stroke of fucking luck.
Still. Duncan's house, Duncan's turf, Duncan's activities. She resolved to make him go to a Pinter play the next time he visited her in Seattle, and cursed when another rock rolled under her foot and nearly twisted her ankle.
Duncan paused when he heard her, and turned around, six yards up the trail. "You okay?"
"Fine," she said. "Just... slow the hell down, okay? I get that you're pissed about something but I don't want to fall and die."
"Oh," he said, and shifted uneasily, hiking boots creaking. "Sorry, I just... I'm not pissed. Not really."
"But you're upset," she pointed out, and caught up to him finally. He didn't make a move to continue, yet, so she took the opportunity to bend over, catch her breath. He didn't say anything either, so she let herself breathe, then straightened up, looked him in the eye. "Come on, Dunc. I'm your best friend. You know I know when you're upset."
He was quiet for another moment, then said, "Yeah, I know. Come on, it's just down the hill."
Ahava followed him, down an even steeper trail than the one they'd just come up, and spent the next ten minutes entirely occupied trying to keep her feet. She was not looking forward to the return hike.
When they made it to the end of the trail finally, she found herself at the bottom of a steep-sided gorge, sharp grey rocks towering up to either side and at the top, a scrap of sunny blue sky. Ahava looked up at it for a moment, watched a fluffy white cloud float by, then looked down at Duncan, standing across the gorge from her with his hand on the stone, his back to her.
"Well?" she said.
His shoulders heaved in a quick, sharp breath. "Leila wants a divorce."
Ahava stood for a moment, stunned. "My God."
"I don't know what to do," he said, resting his forehead against the rock. "She's... I don't understand why she's doing this. And Safiya... she won't understand and what if Leila wants full custody? I can't lose my daughter, Ahava. I can't."
She went up behind him, put a hand on his shoulder, put her forehead against his shoulder blade. "I'm so sorry, Duncan."
His voice went small and hurt, aching. "She said we're not the same people we were. She said she doesn't want to be married anymore."
"I'm sorry," she said again. It was little and stupid and not enough, and she was a psychiatrist, for God's sake, she was trained for this. She should know how to help.
"What do I do, Ahava?" he asked. "What can I do?"
She took a deep breath, and squeezed his shoulder. "You... you do what you can. You tell Leila she can have the divorce, if you want it too, you tell her you want counseling if you don't, but either way you should talk to someone. You tell Safiya it's not her fault, it's nothing to do with her, and you tell her that over and over until she believes you." She put both arms around his waist, hugged him tight. "You do what you have to do."
He shuddered, a little. "I don't want this," he said, helplessly. "I... I knew something was wrong, I thought maybe it would go away. I didn't do anything about it, that's on me. But I don't want this."
"I know," Ahava said. "I know."
"How do I..." Duncan trailed off.
She didn't really know what he meant to ask, but she knew an answer, one he needed. "You call me," she said. "Day or night, anytime. You pick up the phone and you call me and I will answer. I will be there for you. You have me, okay? Whatever happens, I have your back. If there are sides at all, I am on yours."
"It's not her fault," he said, and inhaled, tightly. "Leila's, I mean. It's not her fault."
Ahava had her own ideas about that, but she kept them to herself. "I know," she repeated, instead. "I'm still on your side. 100%, no matter what."
He shuddered again, inhaled sharply, turned around and hugged her bone-crackingly tight. "You promise?"
"Forever," she said.
He started to cry then, deep, tearing sobs like he hadn't done since he'd broken his arm when they were kids, and she... she held on.
She felt stupid and useless, but at least she could hold on.
