Blackbird

[intheheart]

Title: Blackbird
Rating: PG-13, surprisingly.
Summary: Summer Kendall in twenty songs or less.
Notes: Summer may be my favorite character. Now with bonus EPIC PIRATE AU Summer!
Warnings: Violence, mentioned drug use, that one guy gets shot.







Weird Friendless Kid, Emiliana Torrini
Weird friendless kid
You might be weird but you're not stupid
Weve all seen the pictures you drew
We know what's in your head



Everybody thought Summer was strange. Everybody, even her family, though they at least didn't think there was something wrong with that, and didn't treat her any differently. Not like the rest of the world.

Her teachers looked at her strangely and never called on her. Her classmates avoided her. She spent all recess in a corner of the playground, drawing pictures or reading, because nobody wanted to play with her.

She was pretty sure that everybody thought she didn't know. But she wasn't stupid.

Just strange.



God Help The Outcasts, Hunchback of Notre Dame
God help the outcasts, hungry from birth
Show them the mercy they don't find on earth
God help my people; we look to You still
God help the outcasts or nobody will



She wished sometimes that she could fit in.

Not all the time, because as far as she could tell fitting in had never done anyone any good. But sometimes she wished for it, because it would be nice to be normal, to be like everyone else and never be looked at strangely, never be an outcast.

It must be nice. It had to be nice, because being an outcast was so awful, she couldn't imagine the opposite to be anything less.



Bring It All Back, S Club Seven
Hold on to what you try to be, your individuality
When the world is on your shoulders, just smile and let it go
If people try to put you down, just walk on by don't turn around
You only have to answer to yourself



"There's nothing wrong with you," Mama said, fiercely. "Remember that. There's nothing wrong with you."

"Oh, sweetie," Papa said, hugging her. "You're perfect just as you are."

"You're you," Ivy said, ruffling her hair. "You can't change that, and I don't know why you'd want to, you're wonderful."

"You're my sweet baby sister," Aaron said, and kissed her forehead.

"You only need to be yourself," Gina said. "No one else."

"Somebody said you're weird?" Lars asked, frowning.

She loved them for saying that.

Maybe she even believed them a little bit.



Soon Love Soon, Vienna Teng
There'll be a fire burning in the temple of our peace
(Soon love soon)
There'll be the soaring voice for a silent plea
(Soon love soon)
We will hold a broken circle and begin to pray
(Soon love soon)
We will find a black and white in the grey



Summer lit a candle and settled in front of it. She was all right, she reminded herself. She was all right.

God, she hated the city sometimes. So oppressive and vicious, a sharp attack in every corner. And it wasn't even the worst a city could be-- that was New York, with its rage and its skyscrapers and its honking taxis at all hours. DC was a little more stately, a little more spread out, a little quieter. She could manage here, as long as she was careful.

For now, there was only her and the candle.

She breathed.



Blackbird, the Beatles
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.



The day she finished her residency was like a revelation.

As of now, she had no obligations to anyone, anywhere. Oh, sure, she still had student loans, but she could move away and do whatever she wanted. She had no classes to attend, no classmates to imitate, no patients to placate. She could be herself, all the time.

She found a new job in the DC city morgue, and felt something inside her relax a little more, every day.



Frug, Rilo Kiley
I cannot do the Smurf
I cannot fall in love
I'll never fall in love
I cannot fall in love



Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't that she hated people. Summer quite liked people, actually, when they could make room for her-- her family, and her friends, she loved spending time with them. The trouble arose when people expected her to change for them, like, for example, every boyfriend she'd ever had.

She'd come to terms with herself a long, long time ago, and she would never change herself for someone else.

That sort of let love out as an option. But she could live with that.



Out Comes The Evil, Lords of Acid
Half a spoon of heroin
Half a spoon of treacle
That's the way the story goes
Out comes the evil



She didn't mind the cases, most of the time. Most of the time they were simply people who'd been in the wrong place at the wrong time; hit by a cab, drowned in the river, shot in a robbery. Those people she could help.

It was the others like the man on her table now, who'd done it to themselves-- the overdoses, the criminals-- that tore at her heart. It was far, far too late for her to help them.

And then Jason Dacre walked into her autospy room, and the only thing she could feel was fear.



Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up), Florence and the Machine
This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight



"Stay down!" Zack hissed, shoving at her back, and obediently Summer flattened herself to the ground, trying desperately not to cry. There was nothing but noise, gunshots and screams and things shattering on the ground, and they were looking for her, they were trying to kill her...

"No!" That was Zack, hoarse and frightened, and she looked up, she couldn't help herself, and...

Felipe.

Felipe, on the floor, bleeding.

"No!" That was her own voice, shrill and angry, and before she knew it she was picking up a gun.


I Missed The Point, Neko Case
I'm so sorry
That I missed the point
Of this pageantry
But I'm grateful
That you love me



She wasn't very good with subltety. She'd never been good at it. So when Zack and Felipe exchanged looks and a wealth of information with it, she couldn't follow. When someone said one thing and meant another, she took them at face value, and couldn't understand what lay beneath. She missed things. It was just who she was.

She was so, so grateful for her boys, who loved her no matter what she missed, and explained it patiently if she needed to know.

Her boys.

However had she gotten so lucky?



Here Comes The Sun, The Beatles
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right



She wasn't afraid of labor. She knew exactly what was going to happen, after all-- how could she be afraid? She knew what to do.

It was Zack and Felipe who panicked, who bullied their way into the delivery room with shameless use of their badges, who held her hands and paced and sweated and generally behaved very foolishly. She couldn't help laughing, between contractions, and hoped they didn't take it badly.

And then their son was in her arms and it hardly mattered anymore.

She felt as if she'd never stop smiling.



Down With the Ship, Enter the Haggis
I'm not going to stand on the end of the pier
I'm not going to let you go down with the ship
Raise up your anchor it's time to set sail
And I'm not going to let you go down



Summer never liked taking risks, conversationally or otherwise. It just didn't seem worth it. She was already walking on thin ice, just because of who she was-- it didn't seem like a good idea to start jumping up and down just to see what would happen.

She knew what would happen, anyway.

But there was that other thing she knew; if she did start jumping up and down, and fell in, her mama and her papa would come pull her out.

She didn't like taking risks. But it was nice to know she could.



Self-Preservation, The Lucksmiths
Breakfast, sat on a Japanese mattress
Getting this happy takes practice
The world would be duller without us
Blacklist anyone who tries to attack this
They can say what they like but the fact is
They know nothing about us



It took her ages to work up the courage, but when she finally did tell Ivy, on the way home from school, it was easy.

"He called you what?" Ivy asked, voice scaling up.

"A freak," Summer said, and looked down. "He's right, but I don't like how it makes me feel."

"He's not right," Ivy said, and stopped walking, turning Summer to face her. "You hear me? He's just an idiot who doesn't get it. Don't you waste your time on idiots like him, okay?"

Summer looked at her sister, so fierce and wonderful, and said, "Okay."



Dear Prudence, The Beatles
Dear Prudence, let me see you smile
Dear Prudence, like a little child
The clouds will be a daisy chain
So let me see you smile again
Dear Prudence, won't you let me see you smile?



Lars held her until she stopped shaking, rocking her and humming deep in his chest, then pulled back and looked down at her. "All right now?"

Summer shook her head, miserably mute.

"Okay," he said, and hugged her again. He knew that helped, knew the pressure against her shoulders and the heartbeat against her ear calmed her down. "You want to go home?"

Summer shook her head again. "Just someplace quiet?" she whispered.

"Okay," he said again. "Come on, Summerchild, let's go to the park."



Lullabye, Billy Joel
[instrumental]



"He said I'm too weird," Summer said, hugging herself with one arm, holding the phone with the other. "He said..." She trailed off, the words still too painful.

"He lied," Gina said. "Seriously, Summer, that's the coward's way out, blaming the breakup on you when he's the one who precipitated it."

Summer stayed silent a moment, then asked, "Even if it's true?"

"He knew you going in," Gina said, and Summer loved her, for not denying the truth. "If he decided he couldn't handle it, that's his problem."

She closed her eyes, feeling a little bit better. "Thank you, Gina."



True Colors, Glee Cast
But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors and that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful like a rainbow



"Why are you friends with me?" Summer asked, one sunny day at an outdoor café.

Felipe didn't look up from the menu. "Because you're smart and funny and sweet. Why do you ask?"

She drew little circles on the table. "I'm not exactly... good at social."

"So? I don't mind," Felipe said. "I mean, hell, look at Zack."

She blinked, startled. "Zack?"

"You're way more socially competent than he is, and he's my best friend," Felipe said. "What are you going to order?"

She didn't quite believe that, but it was sweet of him to say.



The Saltwater Room, Owl City
When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?
So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time



Summer didn't really know how to behave around Zack anymore.

She'd wanted him to like her, and now he did, now that he adjusted for her. She liked being with him, very much, as much as she liked being with Felipe. And...

She wasn't good at love. She should put that thought right out of her mind. Every boyfriend she'd ever had had wanted her to change, and she wouldn't do that.

But maybe Zack...

She sighed sharply, and for the hundredth time that day, put it out of her mind.



And So It Goes, Billy Joel
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break



Zack asked her to marry him almost casually.

They were just sitting at the kitchen table, having morning coffee, Summer reading the paper, Zack frowning at his cereal, when he said, "So what would you think about getting married?"

Summer snapped her head up and stared at him. After a moment, she asked, "Is this hypothetical?"

He shrugged. "Only if you're going to say no."

Oh. He was serious, then.

She smiled, brilliantly. "I'd love to."



Must Be Dreaming, Frou Frou
I must be dreaming or we're onto something
Hey just watcha make me for I don't fall in love lawlessly
I must be dreaming or pinch me to waking
So undeniably yours as long as I'm losing it so completely



Felipe looked as if someone was about to hit him, and all Summer could think, looking at him, was mine.

But he was leaving, if they couldn't stop him. He was her friend, and he couldn't leave, she couldn't lose him. But she couldn't stop him, not if it would help him; she wouldn't do that. And she was going to get married. To someone else.

Except...

They could make this work, she thought. They could make this happen.

She looked at Zack, then, looking at Felipe. No, she thought. Not mine.

Ours.



Love Story Meets Love Story, Jon Schmidt
[instrumental]



She and Zack didn't get married after all.

It was her idea. It wasn't fair to Felipe, if she and Zack were married; he'd always be feeling left out. She knew so well how it felt to feel that way; she couldn't possibly do that to him.

Thankfully, Zack agreed.

And now there were three of them in the townhouse, three of them in their new king-sized bed. She slept between them, always, Zack's arm over her waist, Felipe's legs tangled with hers.

It felt safe.

It felt right.



Fuckin' Perfect, Pink
Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than fucking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me



Her sister was living a life she loved with the wife she loved; her brother was so happy it radiated from his voice every time he called. Her parents-- her breath still caught, thinking about them, but they'd been together to the last. She couldn't fathom Lars's life, but he enjoyed it, which was all that mattered.

Her boys, risking their lives daily, loving every second. Thomas, her sweet, loving teenager. And her.

She was perfect. She knew that now, even if she forgot sometimes.

She had nothing more to wish for, and oh, how happy that made her.