intheheart (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
intheheart) wrote2019-06-21 11:01 pm
intheheart) wrote2019-06-21 11:01 pm
Entry tags:
this ain't the best view
Title: this ain't the best view
Rating: PG
Summary: Summer, living through her mother's embezzlement trial, and the aftermath.
Warnings: Some minor internalized ableism.
Notes: Title from The Outside, Taylor Swift.
Summer was six when it happened, so she didn't know, exactly, if that was why the others wouldn't talk to her, or if it was just because she was her. They were both possibilities, and she wasn't good enough with people to know which was true. But she knew enough to keep her head down and pretend she didn't hear.
She did, though. She heard Mama crying at night, and Papa closing doors harder than he had to. Aaron played his drums hard and Ivy bought a punching bag and she... well, she avoided it.
What else could she do?
--
It wasn't her fault, at least. She understood that from the beginning, It was hard to know whose fault it was, though. It was hard to know anything, since no one told her things unless she asked, and she didn't like to ask.
What she knew at first: something was wrong with Mama. What she knew later: someone had accused Mama of embezzling (she had to look that word up) and Mama had to go to court. They said she didn't do it but no one knew who did, so no one trusted Mama anymore. It made her feel sick.
--
Things went back to normal. When Summer was seven Mama got another job, and people slowly stopped talking about it. They didn't stop avoiding Summer, though, so she was forced to conclude it was her all along. It hurt, but she was used to that.
Things weren't really normal, though. Sometimes people would call, and Summer would know from Papa's shouty voice that they were reporters. Once one stopped her on the street, and she had to run very fast and far before he would leave her alone. She hid panting around a corner, and wished for the old days.
--
Summer began to avoid people preemptively, as she grew. Just because people stopped talking about Mama didn't mean they didn't know, and any time someone seemed willing to look past her... her, they found out about Mama and stopped talking to her. This way, things were simpler.
Simpler, and lonelier, but she'd always sort of known she would be lonely. And Mama was smiling more, and Papa stopped shouting at people on the phone, and Ivy sold her punching bag and Aaron laughed when he drummed, so things were okay. It didn't matter so much that she was sad.
Right?
--
She walked the city alone now, most afternoons. She was sixteen, old enough to be on her own, and on the whole she preferred it, being lost in a crowd, no one paying attention to her. She walked over sidewalks and striped street crossings and thought.
Maybe if Mama hadn't had to go to court, things would have been different. Maybe people would have been her friends. But it wasn't so bad, being alone. She could be all right, on her own. She didn't have to know how different (wrong) she was.
Things were okay. She could live with that.
Rating: PG
Summary: Summer, living through her mother's embezzlement trial, and the aftermath.
Warnings: Some minor internalized ableism.
Notes: Title from The Outside, Taylor Swift.
Summer was six when it happened, so she didn't know, exactly, if that was why the others wouldn't talk to her, or if it was just because she was her. They were both possibilities, and she wasn't good enough with people to know which was true. But she knew enough to keep her head down and pretend she didn't hear.
She did, though. She heard Mama crying at night, and Papa closing doors harder than he had to. Aaron played his drums hard and Ivy bought a punching bag and she... well, she avoided it.
What else could she do?
--
It wasn't her fault, at least. She understood that from the beginning, It was hard to know whose fault it was, though. It was hard to know anything, since no one told her things unless she asked, and she didn't like to ask.
What she knew at first: something was wrong with Mama. What she knew later: someone had accused Mama of embezzling (she had to look that word up) and Mama had to go to court. They said she didn't do it but no one knew who did, so no one trusted Mama anymore. It made her feel sick.
--
Things went back to normal. When Summer was seven Mama got another job, and people slowly stopped talking about it. They didn't stop avoiding Summer, though, so she was forced to conclude it was her all along. It hurt, but she was used to that.
Things weren't really normal, though. Sometimes people would call, and Summer would know from Papa's shouty voice that they were reporters. Once one stopped her on the street, and she had to run very fast and far before he would leave her alone. She hid panting around a corner, and wished for the old days.
--
Summer began to avoid people preemptively, as she grew. Just because people stopped talking about Mama didn't mean they didn't know, and any time someone seemed willing to look past her... her, they found out about Mama and stopped talking to her. This way, things were simpler.
Simpler, and lonelier, but she'd always sort of known she would be lonely. And Mama was smiling more, and Papa stopped shouting at people on the phone, and Ivy sold her punching bag and Aaron laughed when he drummed, so things were okay. It didn't matter so much that she was sad.
Right?
--
She walked the city alone now, most afternoons. She was sixteen, old enough to be on her own, and on the whole she preferred it, being lost in a crowd, no one paying attention to her. She walked over sidewalks and striped street crossings and thought.
Maybe if Mama hadn't had to go to court, things would have been different. Maybe people would have been her friends. But it wasn't so bad, being alone. She could be all right, on her own. She didn't have to know how different (wrong) she was.
Things were okay. She could live with that.