Tellin'

[intheheart]

Title: Tellin'
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Danny tells her story to Nathan and Gail.
AU: EPIC PIRATE AU
Notes: none
WARNING: Child death, child abuse, implications of child prostitution. Danny had it rough.


I had a little brother.

I never told nobody this. Hurts, thinkin' 'bout it, 'cause what happened was my fault. But I had a little brother once, and I loved him.

He was the dearest thing, all big eyes and thin limbs. He never seemed to get fatter, and he was always hurtin' himself, breaking an arm or a leg or... By the time he was four he limped like an old man. But he was still so happy, smilin' like a little cherub in the paintin' in the Papist church all the time, and he loved me, and I loved him. We took care of each other, 'cause ma was distracted and pa didn't care. Felt like we only had each other.

He used to call me Danny. Was the only one who ever did.

I was lookin' after him when it happened. Done it a thousand times afore. Ma was at church. Dunno where pa was. But I was lookin' after him, and I let go of him to get somethin' and... it happened so fast. I was little. I don't remember. I...

He fell.

I don't remember much after that.

I ran away when I was seven. Wasn't much to stay for, after. My father hit me real bad, lots of times, and my mother... it was like she couldn't even look at me. Like it shoulda been me. I couldn't take that. I already knew it was my fault, and it hurt so much and I couldn't take her lookin' at me like that on top of everything else, so I ran away.

I went to the city. There's lots of ways to make money in the city, if you're smart and quick, and I'm both. Stole a bunch of stuff, yeah, but mostly I did stuff like runnin' errands, takin' messages. That's where I learned to read a little. And I can write my name, too. Learned it there, from the bigger kids.

That's where I started being a boy, too. First night there the child-snatchers tried to grab me, but I kicked one of them real hard and punched the other one and I ran away. I figured out what they wanted from me real quick, so I cut my hair and I stole some clothes and I was a boy, then, and that took care of that.

He had such a little coffin. My brother, I mean. He was so little they could've fit him in a sea chest with room to spare. It almost didn't look like a coffin, just a box. I was okay as long as I thought it was a box, but then I remembered it was a coffin and I started crying and my pa hit me and...

I put flowers on his grave, afore I went. Sorta for goodbye. I hope he liked them.

There was a ship, 'bout a month ago. They were goin' to the New World and I thought I'd go too. They needed a cabin boy. Only they figured out I was a girl, so they took all my stuff and threw me overboard here and I didn't have nowhere else to go, and you looked so nice, sir. I thought askin' you for work wouldn't go bad. Didn't know you'd figure me for a girl.

So there's that. Ma and pa don't miss me. My brother would've, but... nobody at home needs me, or wants me. You can ask, if you want, but they won't care. I got nowhere to go. If you need somebody to clean or do plain sewing or somethin', I'm good at that. Or... or, I dunno, I could help with the shoppin', or... or I learn quick, I could do anythin' for you, except lookin' after children, 'cause I don't do that anymore.

Please, missus. Please, sir! I'm good, I am. I try. Please.

I got nowhere else to go.